I counsel many ladies, every with totally different backgrounds and every with totally different wants. Some are married, some are widowed, some are younger, some battle with same-sex attraction. I’ve come to appreciate that I can’t assume that my counselee would admire an enormous hug when she arrives or when she leaves my workplace. The query of whether or not to hug or when to hug deserves a better look.
We must also acknowledge one other type of contact that happens throughout a session. A hand on the arm or a pat on the shoulder can produce both optimistic or unfavorable emotions in your counselee. How can we finest serve the individuals who come to us? Does the Bible converse on this subject?
Let’s discover out what the Bible says, starting with a have a look at Jesus. He’s our instance of how you can categorical care to the individuals who meet with us for assist. We need to stroll in His steps in each verbal and non-verbal communication. Contact was a mechanism of contact in New Testomony occasions. An instance is present in Mark 10:13-16 when mother and father introduced their youngsters to Jesus “that he would possibly contact them.” Jesus responded by taking them in His arms and blessing them, “laying his arms on them.” This tender scene might be replicated within the counseling workplace by gently placing your hand on an individual’s arm, silently demonstrating compassion and sympathy.
Jesus used contact in His therapeutic ministry. He reached out and touched the hand of Peter’s mother-in-law when He relieved her of her fever (Matt. 8:14-15). Whereas touring, He encountered two blind males and touched their eyes whereas giving them their sight (Matt. 9:27-30). Earlier than Jesus encountered the blind males, a ruler whose daughter had simply died got here to the Savior asking Him to “lay your hand on [my daughter] and she is going to reside” (Matt. 9:18-26). Much more outstanding are the cases of Jesus touching leprous individuals, those that had been lower off from human contact because of their uncleanness (Matt. 8:2-3; Luke 5:12-16). He reached out to the needy and hurting.
The early church was advised to “greet each other with a holy kiss” in Romans 16:16, 1 Corinthians 16:20, 2 Corinthians 13:12, 1 Thessalonians 5:26, and 1 Peter 5:14. It’s not clear precisely what this entails, however it absolutely contains an embrace, nevertheless transient. Not all congregations follow this greeting at the moment, however many members will hug each other upon arrival at a church assembly. This follow is imitated naturally within the biblical counseling room.
Sturdy hugs can categorical sturdy feelings. Some counselors really feel compelled to hug an expensive counselee when she features religious understanding. It is a joyful embrace. We witness this greeting between pals who see each other at a convention after a protracted absence. Then again, after we attend a funeral, we pull each other shut as an expression of grief. In John 20:17, Jesus tells Mary, “Don’t cling to me, for I’ve not but ascended to the Father.” In our thoughts’s eye, we see Mary giving Jesus greater than a facet hug. The phrase “cling” implies a full, sturdy hug. The sort of hug is a strong non-verbal expression of affection.
Bodily contact might be very significant to the only lady, divorced lady, or widow. These girls might really feel starved for the heat of compassionate human contact. Think about whether or not a few of your counselees ever really feel voluntary skin-to-skin contact. Have they skilled non-sexual bodily interplay other than holding a child within the nursery? Are you able to assist to satisfy that want in your friendship or counseling relationship? In my expertise, a lady who struggles with same-sex attraction advantages from studying the worth of non-sexual contact as she grows in understanding God’s good presents.
A Few Cautions
A person counseling a lady mustn’t give full hugs, irrespective of the circumstance. Some males have taken benefit of susceptible girls and have initiated inappropriate contact. However even a feminine counselor wants to think about the the explanation why a lady would resist a hug or perhaps a mild pat on the arm or the again.
The clever feminine counselor needs to be delicate to how others react to bodily contact. There are a number of the explanation why a hug won’t be welcome. Some girls come from a household or perhaps a tradition that shows minimal bodily contact. They could really feel pressured whenever you shut in for a hug. That feeling will increase when they’re already uncomfortable and fragile.
A warm-hearted, impulsive hugger must be reminded to think about not solely her personal pursuits but additionally the pursuits of others (Phil. 2:4). I’ve one counselee who advised me that she avoids a selected woman at church as a result of this woman calls for a hug from my pal. My counselee feels that an unwelcome full-frontal hug invades her private area and makes her really feel uncomfortable. It’s really an unloving gesture, in my counselee’s opinion.
Earlier than embracing, I’ll seemingly pause and ask permission. I would ask, “Are you a hugger?” Often, I get the reply, “Not likely.” Then again, I’ve had counselees preempt the query and inform me they like hugs. One other delicate query can be, “You appear like you might use a hug. Would you thoughts?”
Feminine counselors ought to perceive {that a} lady who has sexual abuse in her previous would possibly recoil at an tried embrace, even from a lady. It’s compassionate to be affected person and cautious when interacting together with her. Asking permission reveals respect and kindness. A counselor who’s accustomed to hugging when opening or closing a session ought to train self-control and rely her counselee’s emotions as extra vital than her personal (Phil. 2:3).
To summarize, bodily contact is significant within the Bible. Jesus repeatedly touched the struggling and grieving. At occasions He healed by way of His arms. In our Christian tradition we embrace each other in numerous circumstances. When counseling, although, it’s considerate to ask permission earlier than hugging. We should always respect those that are reluctant to get so shut, remembering that we’re distinctive individuals with totally different cultural backgrounds or potential unfavorable experiences with contact. You’re a clever and loving counselor whenever you respect others earlier than reaching towards them.
Questions for Reflection
- Have you ever ever blundered in your makes an attempt to point out bodily affection to a counselee? How will you present better respect and self-control on this space?
- How will you, as a person, categorical heat with out hugging your feminine counselee? Look at your coverage about your interplay with girls.
