Editor’s Be aware: Our October 2025 mini-series on the BCC Grace and Reality weblog addresses the subject of believers who battle with same-sex attraction. On this second article, Ellen Dykas examines the lure of romanticized friendships between ladies. In different contributions to the collection, Keith Evans provides a biblical name to handle same-sex attraction on the root by repenting not solely of actions however of wishes, and Kyle Johnston encourages us to de-link sexual need from questions of id.
Years in the past, a good friend and I swapped tales about how God was working in our lives when it got here to friendships with ladies. We each longed for deep emotional connections, mutual care, and encouragement; we wished significant friendships and to continue to grow as disciples of Jesus. But, we additionally shared a temptation towards enmeshed, or unhealthy, dependencies with mates. She recounted how she unsuccessfully tried to clarify this phenomenon to her husband. “Typically ladies simply fall in love with one another!”
Romance Has a Biblical Context and God-Given Directional Pull
Falling in love and romantic emotions are a side of being created in God’s picture. Our means to be attracted towards somebody in a “greater than mates” method, to need shared sexual love, and a complete life-sharing relationship comes from our Creator! All this stuff are signposts to our God, who selected, pursued, and covenanted with a folks to be His personal. The Bible identifies Him because the Husband and believers because the Bride of Christ. “In that day, declares the Lord, you’ll name me ‘My Husband’, (Hosea 2:16); “For I really feel a divine jealousy for you, since I betrothed you to 1 husband, to current you as a pure virgin to Christ” (2 Cor. 11:2); “And I noticed the holy metropolis, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, ready as a bride adorned for her husband” (Rev. 21:2).
The Husband and His bride are the everlasting actuality that human romance factors to. Romance is a signpost to God’s passionate need and pursuit of a folks to belong to Him via an unique, complete, loving, and everlasting relationship. Marriage is the place for love to become its fullest expression on this life. Thus, the context of human romance is the approaching collectively of a person and a lady, each experiencing a rising need to know, love, and share a oneness-of-life relationship with one another. The directional pull of romance is towards marriage and celebrating its presents. Although worldly considering hijacks the context of romance and intercourse to “you simply do you,” and redirects the pull in direction of “no matter makes me really feel love, pleasured, and valued,” God’s Phrase tells a greater story. At some point, human romance will give solution to what it’s pointed to all alongside: devoted disciples of Jesus, each single and married, will get pleasure from essentially the most complete romance ever via our union with Him for all of eternity. Faithfulness now means we maintain {our relationships} throughout the bounds of holiness and real love in all its expressions (see John 15:9-10; Rom. 12:9-10; Col. 3:12-17).
What’s So Alluring A couple of Romanticized Friendship?
What’s occurring when ladies expertise the romantic pull of their hearts towards a feminine good friend? Many will say these emotions (typically accompanied by sexual wishes) rushed upon them immediately; others describe a sensualized connection that grew over time as lives grew to become entwined, bodily affection crossed holy boundaries, affectionate phrases and declarations had been shared passionately. It was the Tune of Solomon, it appeared, however with a feminine bestie! What Christian ladies would possibly initially establish as one thing not seeming proper about what was growing was that the attract of feminine romance felt so comforting, secure, and intoxicatingly proper.
I’ve heard these sorts of tales from each attainable duo: two single mates, two married ladies, one single and one married. The again tales might embrace disappointing marriages, traumatic experiences with lust-controlled or sexually abusive males, or same-sex temptations and attachments; typically simply persistent loneliness and eager for a bestie who will likely be “her individual.”
Inside the romanticized, sexualized friendship, the expertise is usually just like an pleasing courting relationship with a man, even a Christian man. The 2 ladies might pray and skim the Bible collectively, serve on the identical staff at church, crave one-on-one time, slowly drift out of different significant relationships, and turn out to be assimilated into one another’s social circles. These romanticized friendships simply progress into sexual involvement because the directional pull is energetic, even when fueled by disordered wishes and motivations. It’s simple to see, particularly in our cultural second, how these relational experiences can feed considering: Perhaps I’m homosexual? Maybe that is what I’ve been created for all alongside?!
Discipleship: Supply the True Alluring Story to Ladies
Messy relationships between ladies have taught me a lot in regards to the compassion, kindness, and radicaltransformation that Jesus can convey into our lives! My private historical past contains emotionally dependent relationships with ladies; none grew to become romantic or sexual, however they had been unholy nonetheless. Many ladies have come to my workplace searching for hope and steerage alongside these traces:
- We’ve stopped being sexual with one another, however can’t we stay finest mates?!
- I’ve by no means felt this fashion with a man, and her hugs and snuggling collectively are all I would like…all I want.
- Do you suppose I’m prolonging the messy attachment by staying in contact along with her…even ‘simply’ over textual content and cellphone calls?
These in-office conversations are normally anguishing for the ladies. After we shine the sunshine of the gospel of grace and reality on a sinful, darkish state of affairs, it hurts, even because it additionally results in life. Various have advised me, after we mentioned the necessity for a season of separation, “I used to be afraid you had been going to say that.”
We will provide ladies who’re caught up in an unholy attachment to a different lady essentially the most alluring Story: Jesus, our Bridegroom Savior, and the everlasting marriage awaiting us in full. God guarantees His wayward folks Israel, and believers who’ve misplaced their method, with these assuring phrases: “Subsequently, behold, I’ll attract her, and convey her into the wilderness, and converse tenderly to her” (Hos. 2:14). God, the husband of His adulterous folks, woos us again to Himself, via the wildernesses of this life, together with the pricey sinful decisions we make, and the pricey obedience He instructions us to have interaction.
Romance, friendship, and shared sexual love are candy, good presents when stored of their proper place in our hearts, affections, and relational wishes. The gospel story tells us that Jesus, our True Pal, embodies and defines what same-sex relationships are supposed to be: sisters, mates, non secular companions, non secular moms and mentors—not a romantic curiosity, lover, or partner. Jesus, our Bridegroom, is our ecstatic pleasure (see Ps. 4:7; 21:6; 43:4; Luke 2:10; John 15:11), and with unrelenting grace, understands that His love could appear bland compared to the contact of a human lover. Even nonetheless, He comes working (Ps. 23:6), and transforms our wishes and our hearts’ relational pull again towards Himself.
Questions for Reflection
In case you are within the throes of a sinful attachment to somebody, contemplate the next:
- What preliminary steps can I take to disentangle myself from this lady?
- With whom can I speak, suppose this via, and pray?
- Jesus speaks of loving obedience and obedient love. Will you ask Him to provide you a need to obey Him and to develop in trusting His love for you? Jesus stated one of many causes He got here was to heal the brokenhearted (see Isa. 61 and Luke 4:18-20). His consolation is actual and goes deep as nothing else can!
