“I’m perplexed.” Whether or not it’s to a brother or sister who simply walked into the workplace with essentially the most devastating story or a good friend going by way of tough circumstances, we will discover ourselves speechless in response. We will really feel like we should provide smart phrases of counsel to those that are hurting. But, many occasions, we stroll away pondering, “I want I’d have identified what to say!” Furthermore, we admit, “I ought to have identified what to say.”
The excellent news is after we are perplexed we don’t have to start by in search of the appropriate phrases. We should begin by listening to the Phrase. This fact got here to the floor earlier this yr when my husband and I suffered the lack of our second little one by way of a miscarriage. What God confirmed us by way of His Phrase throughout this time of heartbreak was the decision to consolation with care, compassion, and consideration.
Consolation with Care
As I discovered myself in a bathroom filled with blood and held the sac that contained my lifeless child, my husband and I didn’t know what to do. We had been devastated. We known as an expensive couple from our church so they may stick with our son as we ready to go to the hospital. My expensive good friend got here rapidly. She noticed me. She held me. She cried with me. She didn’t try to supply any knowledge about why this was taking place or some generic encouragement that every one of this may work out for good. She didn’t say something. She was merely current.
She ready a shower with heat water and no cleaning soap with the intention to assist put together my physique to naturally expulse the remaining. Whereas my husband and I had been within the rest room, she made my mattress and ready the room with important oils within the diffuser and clear pajamas for me to put on. As soon as I made my technique to the bed room, she cleaned my dishes, dropped her household off at her home, and returned with dinner. Once more, she didn’t say a lot however got here again the following day with lunch and a care bundle for us.
I share all these particulars to elucidate how my good friend comforted with care. She, too, had misplaced a child just a few years prior. As God comforted her within the midst of her loss, she now comforted me in my loss (2 Cor. 1:3-4). Her technique of consolation was to not attempt to clarify with phrases however to like along with her actions. She fantastically lived out the reality of 1 John 3:18 to not merely “love in phrase or speak however in deed and in fact” (1 John 3:18). Her actions on that day spoke volumes of the consolation and care she had for my husband and me. We’ll at all times be grateful.
Consolation with Consideration
The rationale why my good friend’s actions introduced such consolation is just not as a result of she selected to not provide any phrases of counsel. Slightly, she comforted us contemplating the contemporary ache we had been feeling. She didn’t try and counsel from her personal expertise, however she listened to the reality of God’s Phrase to depend me as extra important in that second and to contemplate my pursuits within the midst of contemporary loss. She emulated the thoughts and coronary heart of Jesus (see Phil. 2:3-11).
The lesson my good friend taught me by her instance is that when searching for to consolation victims, we have to hold just a few issues in thoughts:
- When to Converse – Contemplate the timeline. Take into consideration what’s biblical and acceptable to say. If somebody has simply skilled a loss, a easy “I’m praying for you!” could also be extra useful than “God goes to make use of this for good.” It isn’t that the latter is unfaithful; it’s simply giving area for the sufferer to course of their loss. It’s true that there isn’t a “cookie-cutter” strategy to grief as a result of everybody grieves in a different way. Every particular person has the liberty to expertise how they course of their ache if they’re bringing it to the Lord. Please don’t rush them.
- When We Converse – Ask questions as an alternative of creating statements. Since there’s not a “cookie cutter” strategy to grief, it is vital that after we converse to the sufferer, we must always focus extra on asking questions than giving unhelpful statements. As an alternative of claiming, “It’s okay; your beloved is in a greater place than we’re,” we will ask, “How can I pray for you this week? When can I deliver a meal this week?” Instead of the remark, “Keep in mind, God is at all times good, so don’t query Him” (sure, folks do say that in these circumstances!), you may merely ask, “How are you?”
Consolation with Compassion
This name to consolation is a name to have a coronary heart of compassion towards victims. As we skilled the lack of our little one, we additionally skilled such compassion. A number of members of our church got here by to hope and grieve with us, which is what we wanted for the time being. Of their compassion, they adopted the instance of Jesus. Jesus confirmed compassion to Mary and Martha as they misplaced their brother. Jesus responded to every sister in line with her want within the second (Luke 17:25-35). To Martha, He responded with theology. To Mary, He responded with tears.
Earlier than, I didn’t know why Jesus responded in a different way to the 2 sisters. Now I perceive. Jesus knew their hearts. He may have reminded Mary of His id, however He didn’t in that occasion. As an alternative, He walked along with her to the grave and grieved along with her. He didn’t ignore her ache however took the time to take care of her coronary heart. That’s compassion. That’s what we’re known as to do.
Conclusion
As we reply the decision to consolation victims in our lives, might we pay attention and reside out how God’s Phrase guides us. Might we be smart in how we care for many who are enduring hardships. Might we be considerate and contemplate how you can love those that are experiencing loss. Might we have now hearts of compassion to be there for many who are hurting. Might we study to consolation properly.
Questions for Reflection
- How have you ever beforehand struggled to consolation with consideration towards others who’re struggling?
- What are some methods you may care for somebody in your circle who’s at present struggling?
