Biblical Counseling Coalition | Fixing the Fixed Companion Downside

Editor’s Observe: Our July 2025 mini-series on the BCC Grace and Fact weblog is designed so as to add some assets to your counselor’s toolbox. On this first article, Rush Witt affords a plan to assist counselees disconnect from their smartphones. In different contributions to the collection, Lucy Ann Moll offers a case examine and homework task for serving to the OCD struggler reply within the second, Jim Newheiser affords 5 strategies for serving to the counselor enhance their information of Scripture to have the ability to use it spontaneously in a counseling state of affairs, and Garrett Higbee shares in regards to the Fruit to Root Diagnostic device to uncover not simply what is occurring in an individual however why it’s occurring.

Introduction

In 2025, we every have a relentless companion, and it’s an enormous drawback.

What number of of your counselees’ troubles are sophisticated or exacerbated by that little, rectangular piece of glowing glass? With each advance in expertise, the iPhone (or Android, or Blackberry in the event that they nonetheless make these issues) has morphed from an occasional assistant into a relentless companion. For higher or for worse, we and our counselees have entered into a difficult digital marriage; and an unholy union in lots of instances.

To state the matter plainly: Nobody ought to personal an unrestricted sensible telephone. The prices are excessive and unavoidable. We will see it within the mirror, and many people see it in these we counsel. We all know that whereas all issues are permissible, not all issues are helpful (1 Cor. 6:12).

I’ll be sincere. I underestimated my resolution to stroll into the mobile chapel and marry my sensible telephone. However that’s what I did. And you probably did it too. At first, I assumed it was nice. What a catch! It stored me in contact with my household and pals. It stored observe of my conferences and despatched me common reminders. It all the time knew the quickest option to get the place I used to be going. It instructed me when to go to mattress and when to get up. It even woke up me each morning with a track and a short abstract of the day’s information and occasions. It helped me exercise, eat proper, and get in form.

A match made in expertise heaven…at first.

Pull Again and Pare Down

I questioned why they referred to as it a smartphone. It’s definitely not as a result of I’m sensible for purchasing it. Moderately, it’s wildly adept at outsmarting my finest efforts to regulate it and even distance myself from it.

I’ve usually considered ridding myself of it altogether. However everyone knows how practically inconceivable that might be. I would like the maps to search out my option to the grocery retailer and residential once more. I would like the moment messaging options to remain in contact with my individuals. I would like electronic mail. I would like Sport Pigeon to play 8-ball with my grownup daughters. I would like the fifteen totally different streaming companies so I don’t must face a single second of boredom whereas ready in line on the publish workplace.

It does sound fairly ridiculous when put this manner. I—an precise human—have been mastered by the machine. However I’m not prepared to provide myself utterly to the cyborg revolution simply but.

I’ve been engaged on some methods to struggle again towards my fixed companion, and I’m blissful to share them with you, my fellow customers and abusers. However first, how about some the reason why we should always pull again and pare down.

Your Smartphone (Android, iPhone, or in any other case) is:

An Intrusive Extension of Our Personhood – Resembling an obnoxious sibling, our telephones have turn out to be a relentless companion, shadowing our each motion. Depend the minutes (sure, minutes) of the day when you find yourself really alone. Your telephone accompanies you to the breakfast desk within the morning, to work or college through the day, to your recliner within the night, to sporting occasions on the weekends, and, sure, even to the lavatory. This factor has turn out to be part of you (Ps. 115:4-8).

An Impediment to the Blessings of Solitude and Boredom – The fixed presence of telephones in our lives has stolen our peace of thoughts. Actually, we now not actually know what it means to sit down in silence or to relaxation in a second of boredom. Earlier than smartphones, standing in line meant pressured contemplation. Now, we by no means must be bored once more, and it’s killing us. When was the final time you simply sat on the porch, watching the passing automobiles or listening to the chirping birds…with out your fixed companion vying on your consideration?

An Open Door to Temptation – I neither have the area nor the necessity to rehash the scores of women and men who’ve sinned drastically on private gadgets. The temptation to pornography is extra accessible and secretive than ever, outpaced maybe solely by the temptation to waste your life (Eph. 5:11-12). Feels like hyperbole, however no. I turned forty-eight final month, and I remorse greater than ever the dear minutes I’ve wasted (Eph. 5:15-16). John Piper’s phrases ring in my ever-aging ears: “One of many nice makes use of of Twitter and Fb can be to show on the Final Day that prayerlessness was not from lack of time.” Ouch.

A Contributing Issue to Our Unhappiness – It’s the basic bait and swap; the under-delivered over-promise. My fixed companion promised to make all the pieces higher, and certainly, it improved my life in some ways, largely centered round ease and leisure. However at a price. I believe I’m extra distracted however not happier with my telephone. The literature reveals the detrimental trade-off in private well being and happiness.[1]

A Distraction from Issues that Matter Extra – My spouse is true when she factors out the bandwidth of drain and distraction from household time and different essential moments. We’re all extra current with a little bit distance from that pesky fixed companion.

Digital Changes to Assist Your Counselees

Let’s say we do want to put a little bit extra distance (or much more distance) between us and our gadgets. How? Right here’s a progressive record of methods, culminating with the mom of all options.

1. Flip Off Non-Important Notifications

Silence the noise by disabling all however really mandatory alerts—texts, calls, perhaps calendar occasions. Flip off social media and app badges to cut back the temptation to examine the telephone.

2. Set a Every day Display Time Restrict

Use the built-in display screen time instruments in your iPhone or Android to restrict every day utilization of particular apps or classes (e.g., social media, information, and many others).

3. Use “Do Not Disturb” (or “Focus Mode”) Throughout Set Hours

Schedule downtime for work, meals, devotions, or sleep. iPhones provide a really useful strategy to this function. It may be set to solely notify you of calls and texts from an important individuals in your life, leaving you to compensate for the remaining at a delegated time.

4. Take away Tempting Apps

Delete or offload probably the most distracting or compulsive apps. Social media, information, video games—no matter grabs your consideration probably the most. It’s YouTube and social media for me. They need to go, or not less than be unavailable outdoors of a restricted window of time.

5. Grayscale Your Show and Lock Display

Change your display screen to black and white to cut back the visible attraction of your telephone. Shiny issues are enticing. Make your telephone much less glitzy. Set a plain background with no widgets or glanceable distractions. Possibly show a Scripture verse to reframe your consideration.

6. Retailer Your Cellphone Out of Attain

Place it in a drawer, backpack, or one other room throughout occasions you need to be current and undistracted. Save up your birthday cash and purchase a sensible watch. Add a mobile line for a couple of {dollars} a month. You’ll be capable to go away your telephone at house and nonetheless entry texts, calls, and maps so yow will discover the grocery.

7. Use “Assistive Entry” or Guided Entry (iOS function)

This function is designed for these with restricted capacity to control a smartphone (corresponding to kids and the aged). Nevertheless, anybody can use the function to considerably limit its performance. The large blocky look of the apps received’t win any pals, however the freedom can be value it.

8. Create a Cellphone or Utility Sabbath

Designate an everyday block of time—perhaps a full day every week—the place your telephone is powered off and put away. And you’ll in all probability examine electronic mail as soon as per day, and even each different day, and nonetheless preserve your job. Strive it.

9. Get rid of the Smartphone Altogether

I’d name this a radical amputation, reserved just for probably the most determined conditions (Matt. 5:29-30). The plague of pornography use has thrust many people into such determined want for change. Sure, it’s going to make life more durable. However if you happen to should select between comfort and your marriage or youngsters, make the novel name.

Conclusion

Getting a grip on these methods can strengthen us, in addition to strengthen our counselees. We’re all suffering from distractions and temptations, a lot of which circulate via our telephones and different gadgets. Cultivating a long way and self-discipline can be useful to a few of us and our counselees, and life-giving or marriage-saving to others.

Questions for Reflection

1. In what particular methods has your smartphone turn out to be a “fixed companion,” and the way has that relationship impacted your stroll with Christ or your relationships with others?

2. Which of the prompt digital changes could be most useful for you (or for a counselee), and what obstacles may you face in implementing it?

3. What biblical motivations (e.g., love for God, want for holiness, stewardship of time) might help you and others pursue larger freedom and distance from our fixed companions?