Counselors like to speak, however typically, we’re at our greatest once we stay quiet. We most likely consider counseling as folks talking to one another. We’d even really feel uncomfortable with silence. However take into account ready to talk so as to permit your counselee time to suppose. I’ve been instinctively incorporating a “pregnant pause” into my counseling for the previous few years. An observer sitting in on my counseling remarked on this system. She mentioned that she had by no means thought of ready so lengthy for a counselee to reply, however would now attempt to apply this in her personal counseling. I’m excited to share with you what I’ve discovered!
Here’s a description of what I imply by “silence” in counseling. I’m not saying that counselors shouldn’t use the Bible to share fact and/or to exhort. I imagine that my counseling is an outworking of Titus 2:3-5. I’m to “train what is nice…that the phrase of God is probably not reviled.” Instructing the Scripture is necessary as a result of it elevates God’s fact. I search to characteristic instructing in my counseling whereas incorporating ready for my counselee to talk.
Let me give an instance of how silence is utilized in my counseling workplace. Once I give my counselee a passage to learn out loud or after I learn some verses to her, I keep quiet till she lifts her eyes from the web page. I imagine this helps her take up the reality. I’m unsure what she is considering whereas she is her Bible. She is perhaps studying additional to know the context. She is perhaps formulating a verbal response. She is perhaps eager about the applying of the verses to her personal life. I don’t need to interrupt that course of. My voice of instruction or my query may change the route of her ideas. Usually, I see a lady search for from her Bible after silent contemplation, able to share a profound perception with me. She may say one thing like, “That is simply what I would like.” Or she may say, “I can see how that applies to my life!” She may say, “It’s as if I’ve by no means seen this passage earlier than!” Counselors must be fast to listen to and sluggish to talk (James 1:19). Strive ready some time for her to let the reality sink in earlier than asking a query or providing your individual ideas. In the event you wait, chances are you’ll hear her communicate the very fact you hoped she would understand.
This results in my subsequent level. The counselor will achieve extra perception into the considering and motivation of her counselee if she waits to show. Do not forget that the Holy Spirit is the first instructor. He’s already at work within the lifetime of your counselee. Wouldn’t you favor to find what the Lord is already doing? Your counselee might discover it tough to specific her ideas. Wait, then ask cautious questions to find out what’s in her thoughts. You would ask, “What are you considering?” “What’s God saying to you in these verses?” or “What phrases stand out to you in what we simply learn collectively?” In my job as a coach of recent counselors, I’ve heard this: “I believed counseling was like Bible research or preaching. I believed it was primarily about instructing.” I counsel that counseling includes exploring what your counselee believes and applies to herself. Then, you’ll have a information to her areas of weak spot. Maybe she misunderstands doctrine or theology. She may not get the purpose of a passage. Once you discover out her weak spot, you’ll know what to emphasise. Our calling is ruled by Proverbs 20:5, “The aim in a person’s coronary heart is like deep water, however a person of understanding will draw it out.”
My remaining suggestion comes from John 4:7-26. Jesus skillfully led the Samaritan girl into the reality. We don’t know what number of pauses have been inserted into their dialog, however we do have an account of how Jesus drew understanding out of this girl. He requested questions and waited for her solutions. He led the girl right into a dialogue of true worship and in the end revealed that He was the promised Messiah. He may have instructed her, which He selected to do in different circumstances. On this interplay, although, we see an instance of easy methods to lead an individual into understanding via cautious listening and interplay together with her ideas.
I encourage you to think about the worth of incorporating silence into your counseling. Give a while in your counselee to suppose and reply. Do not forget that you need to information your counselees into the reality. Discover out what she notices on her personal. From time to time, corrections will probably be crucial. You will have to show the one who’s unskilled within the Phrase of righteousness as a result of she has been feeding on milk. The creator of Hebrews speaks to those weak folks: “You want somebody to show you once more the fundamental ideas of the oracles of God” (Heb. 5:12). Don’t neglect instructing. Add listening, and chances are you’ll be stunned at how a lot you’ll encourage your counselees who’re in a position to replicate what the Holy Spirit is already instructing them. You then each will glorify the Lord who’s at work. In any case, don’t we pray for our counselees that they might be given a spirit of knowledge and of revelation within the information of Him (see Paul’s prayer in Ephesians 1:15-23)? Give your counselee an opportunity to inform you, particularly if she wants time to course of her ideas earlier than talking.
Go away area for contemplation. Develop into comfy with silence. Decelerate your agenda and uncover what insights are already occurring within the thoughts of your counselee. You is perhaps pleasantly stunned. Give time for the Phrase and the Spirit to do their work.
Questions for Reflection
- What’s the distinction between pausing to permit time for the counselee to replicate and good listening abilities?
- Consider your counseling in gentle of the steadiness between instructing and ready. What modifications do that you must implement?
