Editor’s Word: Our August 2025 mini-series on the BCC Grace and Reality weblog addresses the subject of single parenting. On this first article, Robert Jones presents 9 biblical truths for single dad and mom and people who love them. In different contributions to the sequence, Shannon McCoy addresses single parenting after divorce, and Pleasure Forrest shares knowledge for single parenting after trauma and abuse.
My dad died after I was two years previous. Mother by no means remarried. She raised my older sisters and me with no co-parent. Her world was laborious, her life troublesome, her activity burdensome.
In case you’re a single mother or father, you’ll probably agree that it’s among the many hardest jobs on the earth. You want sturdy truths from Scripture to information and stabilize you. Take into account 9 strains of counsel for Christian single dad and mom.[1]
1. View your self basically as a Christian, not a single mother or father.
Your marital or parental standing describes your circumstance, not your core id. Whether or not you might be single or a mother or father or that difficult hybrid of a single mother or father, that’s not who you are. As Paul places it,
“You’re all sons of God by way of religion in Christ Jesus, for all of you who had been baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There’s neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor feminine, for you might be all one in Christ Jesus. In case you belong to Christ, then you might be Abraham’s seed, and heirs in accordance with the promise” (Gal. 3:26-29).
Word right here that Jesus Christ defines you not by your ethnicity, social class, or gender, however by your connection to Him. The gospel relativizes these secondary identities—like single parenthood—so that they now not outline and management you. You are God’s son or daughter, united deeply and endlessly with Jesus Christ.
2. Resolve the problems associated to your single-parent standing.
In no matter means you turned a single mother or father—divorce, widowhood, by no means married—Jesus presents you His grace, energy, and hope. Scripture addresses your grief, guilt, dangerous recollections, anger, bitterness, resentment, loss, concern, and so forth. Failing to take care of such ongoing struggles will have an effect on you and your youngsters. Search counsel out of your church or a biblical counselor to work by way of these points. Jesus is large enough that can assist you.
3. Cling to God’s particular guarantees to the widow and the fatherless.
We see God’s coronary heart in His guarantees to care in particular methods for the widows and the fatherless. He reveals Himself because the husband of the only mother and the daddy of the fatherless: “The LORD watches over the alien and sustains the fatherless and the widow” (Ps. 146:9; 68:5-6; Isa. 54:5; Hos. 14:1-3). He additionally calls His folks to guard and assist widows and the fatherless (Exod. 22:22-24; Deut. 24:17-18, 19-22; Ps. 82:3-4; Prov. 23:10-11; Ezek. 22:7).
4. Observe the fundamental biblical counsel given to all dad and mom.
When God gave parenting directives, He spoke to married dad and mom and single dad and mom with out distinction, with no express instructions solely for single dad and mom. We are able to summarize our biblical parenting duties in 5 methods:
- Present bodily and emotional care
- Present verbal instruction
- Present bodily self-discipline
- Mannequin Christian residing and maturity
- Pray for and along with your youngsters
Whilst you can’t give as a lot time, power, and talent to those duties as two dad and mom can, God doesn’t count on double effort. Don’t attempt to be each mom and father.
5. Take note of your youngsters’s response to your single parenthood.
If single parenting is tough for you, it’s typically more durable on your youngsters. Love calls you to have interaction your youngsters to grasp their response to this example. However don’t ignore their accountability to like, belief, and obey God amid disagreeable circumstances. A single-parent house doesn’t excuse childhood anger, disobedience, or ingratitude. Love them sufficient to confront them with compassion and knowledge.
Furthermore, it’s best to reject hopeless notions that their broken-home scenario “dooms” your youngsters to future issues. Such as you, they will know and comply with Jesus and reside fruitful lives. Bear in mind how God used a godly mom, grandmother, and mentor (Paul) to show and mannequin the gospel for younger Timothy (Acts 16:1; 2 Tim. 1:5; 3:14-15).
God has given you sensible alternatives to show your youngsters about His sovereignty, knowledge, and goodness amid this hardship. Whilst you can’t resolve all of your youngsters’s struggles or assure a problem-free future, you possibly can join them to the God who brings them hope and goal (Rom. 8:28-29).
6. Pursue a constructive relationship along with your youngsters’s different mother or father.
Romans 12:18 units the usual, “Whether it is attainable, so far as it relies on you, reside at peace with everybody.” You accomplish that by cultivating attitudes of mercy, figuring out when and confront or rise up for righteousness (significantly regarding your youngsters), humbly confessing your failures and searching for the opposite individual’s forgiveness, controlling your tongue, praying on your former partner, and comparable attitudes and actions.[2]
But—excellent news—you aren’t answerable for the opposite mother or father’s responses. God guarantees to stroll with you thru tense interactions (2 Tim. 4:17), to forgive you while you fail, to empower you to belief and obey Him, to make use of battle to make you want Jesus, and at some point to finish His good work in you and usher you into His everlasting kingdom of eternal peace, pleasure, and righteousness.
7. Take part as absolutely as you possibly can within the lifetime of your native church.
Whereas divorce or widowhood can numb you and tempt you to withdraw from shut relationships, God has not known as you to reside in isolation from different believers.
You want company worship, weekly instances to set your eyes on God, your Father, and Jesus, your Savior, within the energy of His Spirit. You want fellowship with Christian brothers and sisters who can assist you comply with Jesus and supply sensible, hands-on assist. You want your pastor. As one single mother notes, “Of the varieties of help I sought, I discovered pastoral facilitators to be far more useful, accepting, persevering. For my part, it’s as a result of they’d one other supply—God—to attract on to maintain them wholesome and balanced.” Lastly, as a member of the church, you could serve others, even when solely in small, restricted, or occasional methods (Acts 20:35).
8. Expose your youngsters to mature Christians who can function fashions.
Most church buildings have mature Christian women and men who can present function fashions on your son or daughter. God introduced such folks into my life throughout my highschool years. Search for exemplary believers and don’t be afraid to ask them into your youngsters’s lives in applicable methods. You would possibly invite a godly couple over for a meal or ask a rising Christian grownup to domesticate private curiosity in your youngsters.
9. Search godly counsel in case you are contemplating marriage.
Is pursuing a wedding companion the fitting step? [3] Take into account 5 inquiries to ask your self:
- Am I free earlier than God and others to marry/remarry? Have I handled previous points or ongoing obligations (per level two above)?[4]
- Do I wish to marry for the fitting causes, i.e., to like and serve this individual in a God-given relationship of marriage, and never simply because I want a partner or my children want one other mother or father?
- Is that this individual greatest for me, and am I greatest for her or him? Throughout the broad boundaries of marrying “solely within the Lord” (1 Cor. 7:39), Scripture offers you freedom in choosing a partner. But, it’s higher to stay a single mother or father than to decide on a doubtlessly harmful marriage.
- How can I greatest put together for marriage? Are you and your fiancé dedicated to smart, Christ-centered premarital coaching?
- Have I thought of and sought counsel in regards to the many distinctive challenges of stepfamilies?
Conclusion
Single parenthood doesn’t spell doom for dads or mothers who belong to Jesus and dedicate themselves to Him. Your youngsters will not be destined to a second-class existence. Your hope, their hope, and my hope lie in our mighty Savior, who reminded Paul,
“However he mentioned to me, ‘My grace is enough for you, for my energy is made good in weak point.’ Subsequently I’ll boast all of the extra gladly about my weaknesses, in order that Christ’s energy could relaxation on me. That’s the reason, for Christ’s sake, I enjoyment of weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I’m weak, then I’m robust” (2 Cor. 12:9-10).
Questions for Reflection
- Which of those 9 items of counsel have you ever sought to use? How have they helped you?
- Which of those 9 items of counsel do you could add? What makes it laborious to take action?
[1] This text has been abridged and modified from the creator’s minibook, Single Dad and mom: God’s Grace for the Hardest Job (New Progress Press, 2008).
[2] For assistance on resolving battle, see my Pursuing Peace: A Christian Information to Dealing with Our Conflicts (Wheaton, IL: Crossway, 2012).
[3] For steering on this query, see David Powlison and John Yenchko, Pre-engagement (Phillipsburg, NJ: P&R, 2000).
[4] For steering on this query, see Jim Newheiser, Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage (Phillipsburg, NJ: P&R, 2017).
