Biblical Counseling Coalition | At present, a Day for Lovers—of Whom?

With its many joys and occasional heartbreaks, Valentine’s Day stays an American custom. One analysis web site estimates that 52% of shoppers have fun this vacation, 224 million roses will likely be grown, and 6 million folks will get engaged.[1] One other web site claimed that in 2024, folks on common spent $185 on Valentine’s Day, totaling $25.8 billion.[2] And the vacation has even given rise to all-female alternate options like Galentine’s Day.

In my marriage counseling course at Southern Seminary, I smilingly make this supply: “In case your church has some sort of February sweetheart banquet, marriage convention, or couple’s retreat, I’d like to be your visitor speaker. And I also have a title and textual content able to fly: ‘Tips on how to Hate Your Partner,’ from Luke 14:26.” So far, no scholar has invited me.

Beautiful Phrases from Jesus

On this Valentine’s Day, let’s recall the novel name of our Lord Jesus in Luke 14:25–27,

“Now nice crowds have been touring with him. So he turned and stated to them, “If anybody involves me and doesn’t hate his personal father and mom, spouse and youngsters, brothers and sisters—sure, and even his personal life—he can’t be my disciple. Whoever doesn’t bear his personal cross and are available after me can’t be my disciple.[3]

Jesus makes use of surprising language to problem crowds of would-be followers concerning the true value of discipleship. In fact, we understand that He didn’t imply we must always actually hate our members of the family. He was utilizing an exaggerated determine of speech.

However in clarifying what Jesus didn’t imply, don’t miss what He did imply: our love for Jesus Christ ought to so eat us that by comparability, we hate everybody else, together with our spouses. As Tom Schreiner explains, “He’s to have absolute rule and sovereignty over one’s life; no household relationship can take priority over one’s dedication to Jesus. Certainly, disciples should hate their very own lives, which suggests once more that Jesus should be firstly over some other need or consideration (cf. Luke 9:24; Luke 17:33).”[4] Following Jesus requires radical loyalty.

Moses, Micah, Paul, and the Total Bible

Prioritizing the Lord over each different relationship didn’t begin or cease with Jesus. In Deuteronomy 13:6-10, Moses warned the Israelites,  

“In case your brother, the son of your mom, or your son or daughter, or the spouse you embrace, or your closest good friend secretly entices you, saying, “Let’s go and worship different gods”. . . don’t yield to him or take heed to him. Present him no pity, and don’t spare him or defend him. As a substitute, you need to kill him. Your hand is to be the primary in opposition to him to place him to demise, after which the arms of all of the folks. Stone him to demise for making an attempt to show you away from the Lord your God…”

In Micah 7:5, the prophet envisions the depressing diploma of Israel’s ungodliness and points this warning: “Don’t depend on a good friend; don’t belief in a detailed companion. Seal your mouth from the girl who lies in your arms.” As a substitute, he fashions his final hope in verse 7, “However I’ll look to the Lord; I’ll watch for the God of my salvation. My God will hear me.”

The apostle Paul displays an analogous perspective in 1 Corinthians 7:29. In gentle of Christ’s quickly return and his new covenant gospel priorities, our love for our Lord should be so deep-seated that “any further those that have wives ought to be as if that they had none.” Whereas actually not minimizing marriage or advocating divorce—one thing he opposes in 7:8–16—Paul

“means one thing subtler: marriage will not be the summum bonum, however stands underneath God’s as if not. As a result of the brand new age has dawned and marriage itself doesn’t proceed into the resurrection existence of the brand new heaven and the brand new earth, then, as necessary and as fantastic as marriage is, the considerate Christian is not going to make investments it with everlasting significance.”[5]

Scripture supplies comparable comparative exhortations all through its pages:

4 Classes for Christian {Couples}

In gentle of those many passages, amid any of our Valentine’s Day celebrations, take into account these classes:

1. Prioritize your love to your Lord even over your love to your husband or spouse.

Maybe the late Christian singer Keith Inexperienced put it greatest in his tune, “Pledge My Head to Heaven”:[6]

“Nicely, I pledge my spouse to heaven, for the gospel

Although our love every passing day simply appears to develop

As I advised her once I wed, I’d absolutely somewhat be discovered lifeless

Than to like her greater than the one who saved my soul.”

2. Once we prioritize our love for our Lord, we are able to then love our husband and spouse even higher. Loving our God clarifies what it means to correctly love our partner.

C.S. Lewis observes,

“When I’ve learnt to like God higher than my earthly dearest, I shall love my earthly dearest higher than I do now. Insofar as I be taught to like my earthly dearest on the expense of God and as an alternative of God, I shall not love my earthly dearest in any respect. When first issues are put first, second issues aren’t suppressed however elevated.”[7]

3. Watch out that your specific position focus as a husband or spouse comes from God’s Spirit and doesn’t degenerate into false varieties.

Inside our widespread calling as Christians to like and serve one another, Christ calls husbands to like, sacrifice for, and lead their wives, and He calls wives to like, undergo, and assist their husbands (Eph; 5:15-31; additionally Col. 3:18-19; 1 Pet. 3:1-12; Titus 2:4-5). But this love can simply degenerate into varied expressions of flattery, concern of individuals, appeasement, and outward conformity to roles with out inward grace. Whereas such exterior position conduct may look godly, it’s not. Our coronary heart motives can deteriorate into fleshly types of pseudo-love.

4. Get pleasure from your deepest love relationship now along with your Lord and stay up for a extra superb marriage to return, the everlasting marriage of the Lamb and of us His bride (Rev. 19:1-10).

Buddies, if you’re fortunately married, Jesus supplies one thing higher than your marriage. In case you are unhappily married, Jesus supplies one thing higher than your marriage. In case you are single however you need marriage, Jesus supplies one thing higher than any earthly marriage.

He supplies Himself and His infinite pleasure as our everlasting Savior.

Questions for Reflection

1. Which of the 4 Bible passages most problem you? How would you reply to somebody who noticed these verses as harsh or unloving?
2. Which of the 4 classes most problem you? How will you search to dwell out these truths this week?

[1] Lark Allen, “20+ Candy Valentine’s Day Statistics & Information for 2025,” Drive Analysis, January 3, 2025, https://www.driveresearch.com/market-research-company-blog/valentines-day-statistics/.

[2] What Does the Common American Spend on Valentine’s Day?” Oberlo, https://www.oberlo.com/statistics/what-does-the-average-american-spend-on-valentines-day.

[3] Scripture quotations from the Christian Customary Bible (Holman Bible Publishers, 2017), 2020 Textual content Version.

[4] Tom Schreiner, “Did Jesus Ask Us to Hate our Household?” October 15, 2021, on Luke 14:26, https://equip.sbts.edu/article/did-jesus-ask-us-to-hate-our-family/.

[5] D. A. Carson, “As If Not,” Themelios 38.1 (2013): 1–3. https://tgc-documents.s3.amazonaws.com/themelios/Themelios38.1.pdf

[6] Keith Inexperienced, “Pledge My Head to Heaven,” from his 1980 album, So You Need to Go Again to Egypt.

[7] C. S. Lewis, Letters of C. S. Lewis, (New York: Harcourt Brace Jovanovich, 1966), 11.