Envy and jealousy are feelings many people expertise however hardly ever discuss. Whether or not it’s seeing another person’s success or feeling insecure when our associate connects with another person, envy and jealousy can creep into our ideas and create stress. Left unchecked, it may undermine our self-worth and hurt {our relationships}.
Nonetheless, envy and jealousy may also be a robust software for self-awareness and development, as highlighted in episode 19 of the Roadmap to Safe Love podcast with Kim and Kyle.
Let’s discover the important thing takeaways from the episode and learn to navigate envy and jealousy in a wholesome, constructive manner.
What’s Envy and Jealousy?
At its core, envy arises after we understand that another person has one thing we need—whether or not it’s materials wealth, a selected relationship dynamic, or perhaps a private trait. It’s the sensation that we’re missing one thing and that others are by some means higher or extra lucky. Envy can result in destructive ideas like, “Why have they got that, and I don’t?” or “I’ll by no means be as profitable as they’re.”
In contrast to jealousy, which entails the concern of shedding one thing we have already got (comparable to a relationship), envy is extra about specializing in what we don’t have. This distinction is necessary as a result of whereas jealousy triggers protecting or defensive behaviors, envy usually results in emotions of inadequacy and comparability.
The Emotional Problem of Envy and Jealousy
The primary main problem of envy or jealousy is how uncomfortable it may really feel. It usually comes with a sense of disgrace, making it troublesome to acknowledge or categorical. We might not need to admit that we’re envious of a good friend’s success, or we’d really feel embarrassed that we’re jealous by our associate’s comedian e-book reference to a colleague. Consequently, envy and jealousy usually goes unstated, festering under the floor.
Kim and Kyle emphasize that the important thing to working with envy and jealousy is first recognizing and naming it. If we keep away from or deny the sensation, it turns into extra highly effective. As a substitute, by bringing envy and jealousy into the sunshine, we are able to begin to perceive why it’s displaying up and the way to take care of it productively.
Attachment Kinds: Envy & Jealousy
One of many fascinating factors mentioned within the podcast is the function of attachment types in how we expertise envy and jealousy. Our attachment fashion—whether or not safe, anxious, or avoidant—shapes the way in which we deal with feelings and may affect how we reply to those emotions inside relationships.
- Anxiously hooked up people are inclined to really feel envy extra intensely. For them, envy is commonly tied to deeper fears of not being sufficient or being deserted. When somebody with an anxious attachment fashion sees their associate spending time with others or being praised at work, it might set off emotions of insecurity. They could interpret the state of affairs as a menace to their connection and turn out to be hyper-focused on the concern of shedding their associate’s affection.
- Avoidantly hooked up people might attempt to suppress or dismiss envy. Moderately than confronting their emotions of inadequacy, they might persuade themselves that they don’t care or that the connection isn’t necessary sufficient to fret about. This will result in emotional distance, as they keep away from confronting the susceptible emotions that envy stirs up.
Recognizing your attachment fashion will be extremely useful in overcoming envy as a result of it provides you a framework for understanding your emotional reactions. As Kim and Kyle clarify, self-awareness is step one towards reworking envy into one thing constructive.
The Energy of Vulnerability
One of the vital classes from this episode is that vulnerability is essential to working with envy and jealousy. When envy arises, our intuition is commonly to cover it. We’d concern that expressing envy will make us look weak or ungrateful. Nonetheless, suppressing the emotion solely intensifies it, resulting in resentment or passive-aggressive conduct.
As a substitute, Kim and Kyle encourage listeners to embrace vulnerability. When you’re feeling envious of somebody’s success, it may be highly effective to acknowledge it—both to your self or to a trusted good friend. In relationships, if you happen to discover jealousy creeping in, you possibly can categorical it in a manner that fosters connection relatively than division.
For instance, if you happen to’re feeling jealous of your associate’s closeness with a good friend, relatively than withdrawing or lashing out, you would possibly say, “I seen you had a whole lot of enjoyable with them, and it made me notice I miss that reference to you. How can we create extra of these moments collectively?” By expressing your emotions brazenly, you create area for deeper connection and development relatively than letting envy erode the connection.
Envy & Jealousy as a Instrument for Self-Discovery
One other necessary takeaway from the podcast is that envy could be a useful information for self-discovery. Moderately than viewing envy as a purely destructive emotion, Kim and Kyle recommend reframing it as a chance to grasp what we actually need.
Once you really feel envious of another person, ask your self: What’s this sense attempting to inform me? Do I need extra success in my profession? Extra journey in my life? Envy usually highlights areas the place we really feel unfulfilled, and by listening to these emotions, we are able to establish adjustments we need to make in our personal lives.
The identical is true for jealousy. What’s it wanting you to concentrate on? What are you craving for in your connection? What concern is it touching that you may discuss and get consolation?
This reframing turns these feelings from one thing damaging right into a software for private development. As a substitute of feeling powerless, you should utilize envy as a place to begin for setting new targets or jealousy for pursuing issues that convey you extra connection and closeness.
Constructing Safety and Belief
In the end, working with envy and jealousy is about constructing safety—each inside your self and inside your relationships. The safer you are feeling in your individual self-worth, the much less energy envy has over you. As Kim and Kyle clarify, the aim is to not eradicate envy or jealousy altogether, however to make use of it as a sign to grasp your deeper wants and talk them successfully.
In relationships, constructing belief and open communication helps envy lose its grip. When companions really feel safe and valued, they’re much less more likely to be threatened by exterior forces. As a substitute of envy and jealousy creating distance, it may turn out to be a chance to strengthen the connection by addressing underlying wants and reinforcing emotional connection.
Till subsequent time, keep related and hold listening with love.
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FAQ
1. What are Envy and Jealousy?
• Envy happens after we really feel another person has one thing we need, like wealth, relationships, or private qualities. It’s usually rooted in emotions of missing or inadequacy. Jealousy, however, is about fearing the lack of one thing we have already got, like a relationship. This episode highlights how envy and jealousy, although comparable, are distinct feelings that have an effect on us in a different way.
2. Why are Envy and Jealousy so difficult to handle?
• These feelings are uncomfortable and infrequently include a way of disgrace, making them troublesome to debate brazenly. The episode emphasizes that step one to managing these emotions is recognizing and naming them. Bringing these feelings into consciousness helps reduce their energy and permits us to deal with them constructively.
3. How do attachment types affect Envy and Jealousy?
• Attachment types—safe, anxious, or avoidant—play a big function in how we expertise these feelings. Anxiously hooked up people might really feel envy intensely resulting from underlying fears of inadequacy or abandonment, whereas avoidantly hooked up people might suppress these feelings, distancing themselves from vulnerability. Understanding our attachment fashion supplies perception into our emotional reactions.
4. Why is vulnerability necessary when coping with Envy and Jealousy?
• Suppressing envy or jealousy can result in resentment, whereas vulnerability helps us categorical these emotions in wholesome methods. The episode advises utilizing vulnerability to speak feelings constructively, permitting for deeper connections as an alternative of letting envy or jealousy erode relationships.
5. How can Envy and Jealousy be instruments for self-discovery?
• Envy and jealousy spotlight areas the place we really feel unfulfilled or insecure. By reflecting on these feelings, we are able to acquire perception into what we actually need, whether or not in profession, relationships, or private development. This reframing turns destructive emotions right into a information for self-improvement.
6. How can we construct safety to minimize the influence of Envy and Jealousy?
• Constructing a way of self-worth and belief in relationships reduces the ability of envy and jealousy. The episode means that cultivating interior safety and open communication in relationships can remodel these feelings into alternatives for connection and development.
7. What are some sensible steps to deal with Envy and Jealousy in relationships?
• If feeling jealous, the episode suggests expressing it to your associate in a manner that fosters understanding and connection. For instance, in case your associate’s reference to another person triggers jealousy, use it as a chance to deepen your relationship by expressing your need for closeness.
Transcript for Jealousy vs. Envy: How Attachment Kinds Form the Feelings That Make or Break Love | Episode 19
Intro: Welcome to The Roadmap to Safe Love. In at the moment’s episode, Kim and I focus on how jealousy and envy influence relationships and the way to navigate these feelings with vulnerability and understanding. Let’s dive in.
Kyle: At present, we’re speaking about two highly effective feelings that present up in our lives and intimate relationships: jealousy and envy. Kim, may you outline what jealousy is?
Kim: Completely. Jealousy is the concern of shedding one thing you have already got—a relationship, a friendship—that feels threatened. However, envy is wanting one thing you don’t have however want you probably did. As an example, envy will be feeling like, “Oh, that particular person has an incredible automotive, a fantastic home, or monetary safety, and I want I had that.” In the meantime, jealousy would possibly appear to be, “My associate is spending extra time with another person, and I concern they could select them over me.”
Kyle: Jealousy manifests in a different way primarily based on attachment types. For somebody with an anxious attachment fashion, jealousy would possibly set off behaviors like gossiping, posting on social media to hunt consideration, or avoiding vulnerability by not expressing their wants instantly. As a substitute of claiming, “I would like reassurance,” they could attempt to make their associate jealous to really feel validated.
Kim: Precisely. Jealousy holds vital attachment that means. It stems from the concern of shedding a connection. When you’re anxiously hooked up, you would possibly keep away from being direct along with your associate, fearing abandonment or rejection, so that you attempt to elicit the identical emotion in them.
Kyle: Sure, it turns into a manipulative method to fulfill a legitimate want—feeling protected and safe. For an avoidant attachment fashion, jealousy could be dismissed altogether. The particular person would possibly assume, “In the event that they select another person, it doesn’t matter. I’ll discover somebody new,” even when it’s a five-year relationship. This minimizes its significance as a self-protective mechanism.
Kim: That’s true. Now, what does jealousy appear to be in somebody with a safe attachment fashion? It’s totally different. They will say, “I seen you had been laughing with that particular person, and I felt a bit insecure. I need us to share that type of laughter. How can we work on this collectively?” Securely hooked up people categorical vulnerability with out blame, fostering open communication.
Kyle: Sure, with the ability to acknowledge and talk emotions of jealousy or envy is essential. It permits people to grasp what deeper attachment want is driving the emotion, whether or not it’s safety or significance, after which take constructive steps.
Kim: And the identical goes for envy. When you see somebody with one thing you don’t have, it would set off ideas like, “Will I ever have the ability to retire comfortably?” or “Why can’t I take holidays like they do?” Anxiously hooked up people would possibly overwork, whereas avoidant sorts would possibly distance themselves to keep away from the discomfort of comparability.
Kyle: In safe attachments, noticing envy can present useful details about needs and aspirations. It’s not about denying the sensation however understanding what it factors to and taking proactive steps to fulfill these wants in a wholesome manner.
Kim: Precisely. These feelings, jealousy and envy, inform us about the place we’re in {our relationships} and what we’d like. Addressing them with honesty and vulnerability can strengthen connections with out blame or resentment.
Kyle: Sure, by tuning into these feelings, we are able to create a roadmap for assembly these deeper wants—whether or not by way of direct communication or setting private targets. This possession transforms jealousy and envy from damaging to constructive forces.
Kim: And after we identify these feelings and perceive why they come up, they lose energy over us. We are able to reply relatively than react. Because the saying goes, “Identify it to tame it.”
[Music Transition]
Kyle: To summarize, bear in mind to:
1. Perceive the distinction between jealousy and envy.
2. Acknowledge how attachment types affect reactions.
3. Observe vulnerability.
4. Talk on to strengthen relationships.
Observe The Roadmap to Safe Love on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and YouTube. When you’re inquisitive about studying extra about constructing safe connections, try the Safe Attachment Path course—hyperlink within the present notes.
Till subsequent time, keep related and pay attention with love.
[Closing Music]
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